Hello!
Where are all my elder emos at? The late 80s/90s kids who jammed out to Taking Back Sunday, Boys Like Girls, Story of the Year and so many more of the finest bands to grace our ear holes?
This blog is for you. The term “elder emo” speaks to my soul and I want to give us all the proper recognition we deserve for our cultural role.
Elder Emos: Where Are They Now?
In 2009, you’d find us rocking our studded belts and feeling too much teenage angst for our own good. And now you find us working our office job, eating our ancient grains, raising our children/pets/plants and aggressively jumping to emo/pop-punk music behind closed doors, thinking, “What’s my age again?”
The thing I love about being an elder emo is that we manage to look so put together on the outside, but the pop punk music runs through our veins so strong that it will never be “just a phase”.
If anything, maybe this part of my life is just a phase and my existence as an emo kid is who I truly am until the day I die.
The Struggles of the Elder Emo
Until the last few years, I didn’t know how strong the emo kid culture really was. But trust me (or don’t trust me, I guess), the force is strong with the emo kids. And I am 100% here for it.
My favorite part about this pop punk resurgence is all the contradictions and struggles of being an emo kid who transitioned into a well adjusted adult by day and elder emo by night. These are just a few of my favorite laughable moments.
1) The Skinny Jeans Saga
As a former emo kid, we spent years trying to convert our entire pants wardrobe over to the SKINNIEST of jeans. I’m talking jeans that squeeze the life out of you. Jeans that don’t allow you to bend your bottom half. Jeans that melded to your body to form permanent seam imprints on your legs.
And now we’re here in 2023 and wide pants are in?! And skinny jeans aren’t just not “in”, they’re actively “NOT IN”.
That’s hard to accept. And a reversal of a concerted effort over many years to rid our wardrobes of such ludicrous attire.
Personally, as someone who has been graced with the curse of curves, I have let my constricting beliefs go and have accepted wide pants and the new-found luxury of moving my legs. But I know many other elder emos who have not been so happy to move along and welcome the wide pants. I can’t blame them, skinny jeans are in our blood, this is how we do.
2) To Sensible Footwear or To Converse?
Maybe this is just a me thing, but back when we were teenagers, I didn’t seem to care or understand the repercussions of squeezing my (not narrow) feet into very narrow converse.
Converse were just cool and very pop punk (but not as fringe as checkered vans) and so I simply did not care even though they crushcrushcrush-ed my toes. I wore those converse until they were falling apart. They were my trusty shoes and you can MakeDamnSure that I had them with me for any and all important social gatherings.
Now, I stand here today to tell you that there were repercussions, including losing my big toenail several times, going to frequent appointments at a podiatrist as a 17 year old and almost needing toe surgery. But not to fear, everything is alright now that I have learned the benefits of sensible footwear. Is it cute? No. Is it trendy? Also no. But is it practical? Absolutely!
And as an elder emo, practicality has unfortunately become the anthem of my life.
3) The Embarrassing Past (That’s a Little Too Close to the Surface)
I fully believe that part of being an elder emo is having some sort of embarrassing childhood secret.
Did you write dark poetry? (YES)
Did you wear fake facial piercings? (YES)
Did you wear unusually tiny bows in your hair? (YES)
Well, now my dirty little secrets are out. But I know you all have secrets you’re hiding too!
Back then I thought, I’m just a kid, how could these things ever come back to haunt me? And then I remembered that the evidence lives on social media. Selfies were HOTT and so unfortunately, that’s what you get for being an emo kid at this time.
But now I look back at all these things that I’ve done and I use the photographic evidence as an excellent opportunity to publicly shame and make fun of myself. Because if you’re going to have embarrassing photos available online, I recommend getting ahead of it and making fun of yourself before anyone can beat you to the punch.
If you were wondering how I’m doing overcoming my embarrassing past, well…I’m not okay, but I try to remind myself that all of you fellow elder emos were also embarrassing when you were young.
4) We Try to Hang, But We Can’t Hang
Last weekend, we went to see said pop punk cover band and Ben and I were the ultimate elder emo contradiction. Here is how our evening leading up to and following the show went.
4:30: Nap
5:30: Feed the dogs
6:00: Eat vegetarian couscous
7:00: Choose an outfit, settle on sensible footwear and a cardigan
7:40: Arrive at the show
8:15: JAM OUT (THIS IS IT. WE’RE SO COOL AND YOUNG)
10:15: Start yawning
11:00: Go to the bar next door
11:05: Order pizza and no drinks
11:15: Go home
11:30: Fall asleep on the couch watching a crime show.
Let’s unpack this.
We feel like we’re young and hip. We think we can hang. We’re pumping ourselves up for the night like, YOU GOT THIS, YOU’RE GONNA GO FAR, KID.
Then, we take a turn for the worse and prepare for the evening with a nap, some couscous and an all-too-stylish cardigan. As one does.
We start to gain some momentum again by jamming out to the cover band, doing a little dance, dance, drinking some drinks and being fun.
It’s going well but then around the middle of the headliner, we start to get a little sleepy. Then we hear some Shania Twain and feel like we might be on the right path again. We’re like, we’re fun, let’s keep partying! We go to the next bar, but then we only order food. We eat said food, pretend to “evaluate” if we are going to stay out longer but we both know that is definitely not an option.
We say goodbye to our friends, then we go home and are asleep before the next day hits.
It’s the ups and the downs that make this such a true elder emo experience.
5) Nothing Slaps Like Our Music Slaps
Emo music is IT. It is the shit. It is the best music. Every other generation and subculture and person thinks their music is the best music, but dammit ours really is!
What’s as cathartic as cute without the e? NOTHING.
What’s as hyped as I write sins, not tragedies? NOTHING.
What’s as weird and uncomfortable as wow, I can get sexual too. NOTHING.
We have it all. And as much as we try to get with the times and like the new things it will never, ever be the same.
So as the song goes, thanks for the memories and sugar, we’re goin down with our love of emo music.
Play the Sounds of the Blog
Enjoy the emo music that graced this blog :)
Cheers,
Emo Lisa
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