Y’all knew that I would be back with some thoughts on the vaccine, right?
I’ve been holding onto these thoughts for three weeks, (since I received my first Moderna vaccine) wondering if they’d change over time.
I’m glad I waited to put words to my thoughts, because I’ve progressed through several phases of feelings during this vaccination process which I now like to refer to as, “The 5 Rings of Vaxcitement”. Come along, I can’t wait to share!
Phase 1: The Appointment AKA The Exorcism
Before I’d even received my vaccine, my immediate reaction to simply having an appointment was overwhelming feelings of relief. I legitimately felt a physical weight lift off my shoulders as soon as I knew a vaccination was within reach. Like the quirky ghost that had been haunting my body for an alarmingly long time was kind of just tired of being a ghost and decided to let me go.
I think I did a little jig. Not because I was trying to dance, but because my body hadn’t felt so light in so long, and I was overly forceful with my now extremely light and fluffy limbs. Like I was trying to just move like a normal person but I forgot what it felt like to maneuver a body that wasn’t weighed down.
Phase 2: Shot 1 AKA Mo Shots, Mo Plans
Then I actually got the first shot, and I hit the next phase of vaxcitement (vaccination excitement). I started to think about making plans. Making plans to casually spend time with friends, making plans to go on vacation, actually thinking about how normal (AKA new normal) might go back to old normal (AKA normal). The vaccine brought with it the possibility of thinking beyond the next two weeks. Because for the last 13 months, every time I did anything outside of my little bubble, the only things I could think about for the next two weeks was, “oh damn, did I mess this up?”
Within literally 24 hours of my first shot, I PLANNED A TRIP to South Carolina. It’s not like I’ve been sitting here for 13 months thinking about going to South Carolina and carefully planning an extremely thorough itinerary. No, no - I made the most spontaneous decision I’ve ever made and booked an Airbnb with approximately 49.5 minutes of research. (Thanks, Viri!) The vaxcitement took over my body - like a way more fun ghost than the aforementioned pandemic ghost.
Phase 3: Between Shots AKA Pseudo-Vacinated
This vaxcitement was a bit of a slippery slope into what I now like to call the, “you not fully vaccinated yet, bitch” phase. This is the phase where I really wanted everything to immediately be normal again even though it wasn’t. This is the phase where I settled into a false sense of, I can do all the things, right?
Wrong, girlfriend! You can still do none of the things!
I even Googled things like, “what can you do after your first vaccine?” and the answer from those articles was a resounding, NOTHING. Do only the things you have done for the last 13 months. Do nothing else. Have no joy. Have no fun. Sit in silence and think about the freedom you’ll feel in six weeks.
How unfortunate! I should totally not be complaining about this..but it does a suck a little bit to know that the first time in 13 months there was finally the brightest, most blinding light at the end of the tunnel, but I couldn’t even see it because my sunglasses are that good at blocking out the rays and good vibes.
Weird example aside, what I’m trying to say is being between vaccines is a really weird place to be. There’s this hope that you know is tangible and you want to touch it, but every time you stick your hands out, it spits on you, says, “nah nah nah nah nah, you can’t catch me,” and then runs away.
It was during this phase, that I also experienced extreme jealousy for my counterparts who got their first vaccine at the same time as me, but got Pfizer, which put them a week ahead. MAJOR jealously. Like, you know when you enter into a raffle with a really good prize and your friend wins and you have to pretend to feel happy for them but you’re just secretly really mad it wasn’t you? That is exactly this.
Here is an example of my inner vs. outer monologue when discussing shot #2 with a Pfizer recipient:
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Other person: My second shot is this weekend!
Outside Lisa: OMG I’m so happy for you, how does it feel?! Are you excited?!
Inside Lisa: UGH WHY CAN’T I BE YOU. GIVE ME YOUR BODY. I AM STEALING YOUR BODY.
Other person: I am so excited, I can’t wait!
Outside Lisa: YAYYYY
Inside Lisa: I AM STEALING YOUR BODY TONIGHT AND TAKING YOUR SHOT FOR YOU. SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR BODY BECAUSE IT’S MY BODY NOW.
--
I know that was harsh. I have nothing against you, Pfizer recipients. This is my animalistic side. I can’t control her. This is the same side of me that posted on Facebook 18 times in order to win a dog basket valued at $40 and went from loving all dogs to carefully planning how I could hunt down Nacho the dog so he didn’t win the basket.
Phase 4: Shot 2 AKA The Sickness
I haven’t reached this phase yet. But based on the reaction I got from my first shot, I imagine it will be bad. This is how I will be preparing for my second shot reaction.
Soft, oversized clothes
Big fluffy blanket
Netflix
Naps
Snacks
Naps
Dog cuddles
Ice cream
Naps
But Lisa, it sounds like you are describing every weekend? YEAH, YEAH I’m a lazy blob that loves TV and blankies, was it really necessary to out me?!
Phase 5: Two Week Wait AKA LET ME BE FREE
I also haven’t reached this phase. But I imagine it will be a lot like Phase 2 & 3, but worse.
I’m scared because I don’t know if my budget can handle me impulse booking another trip or impulse buying another set of patio furniture for all the future hangouts I’m going to host...I guess it’s just a risk I’ll have to take.
Did you go through the same phases?
So those were my phases, but as with anything, all people are different. Did y’all go through the same phases? Did you feel lighter? Did you impulse plan trips? Or did you react in a way more normal way? I’d love to know!
It’s Been a Ride But We’re Moving Forward
Seriously, I feel a sense of hope I haven’t felt in a long time. After a year+ of watching life move in slow motion while simultaneously zooming by, it feels like my out of body experience is almost over.
I don’t know about y’all, but throughout this pandemic, I haven’t allowed myself to look forward to much because of all of the uncertainty. It was better to find joy in my safe, structured moments (which I absolutely have!).
But now, I am looking forward.
Cheers,
Lisa
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