Tales from a Frazzled (yet on-top-of-it) Dog Mom
Hello, hello!
In true dog mom fashion, right now, I am sitting on my living room couch writing and watching Rex (my giant, human-sized dog) go to town on a tiny stuffed animal with little squeakers. It never stops being funny to see such a beast get so much joy out a glorified baby toy.
I am also in the process of fighting off the Benadryl sleepies after an all-too-personal encounter with my mortal enemy, ginger. So if my writing sounds off, I promise I am not sending a cryptic call-for-help for you to decipher.
Ben and I have had a lot happen in the pet arena over the past few months. I’ve thought about so many versions of this blog in my mind and it’s taken me three weeks to start writing it. All the rest seem to just flow off my fingers. But this one has been tough to put into the right words! Anyway, here goes my best attempt.
Pets Are Like Family Members...But Better
Pets are so wonderful, I really feel like they can’t be adequately compared to any human family member. But if I had to pick, I would say they're like your cool aunt - they’re nonjudgemental, they make you feel really good about yourself and they buy you new clothes (or, in the case of puppies, destroy your current clothes with their teeth, so you have no choice but to get a new wardrobe).
Pups are the family members that you can talk to endlessly without judgement. They will sit by you quietly and comfort you, heal your heart or simply keep you company. They’ll clean up your messes without even asking. They’ll be by your side (even in the bathroom). I completely subscribe to the idea that humans don’t deserve dogs, so we should be so grateful we have them anyway.
The Grief of Losing a Pet
In July, Ben and I found out that our little Spud boy had stage 4 lymphoma. They thought we might have a month or two with him, but we ended up having only a few short weeks to love on our boy. To say we were crushed is an understatement. I remember moving in slow motion during that time - wanting to slow down so we could have more time together, while also being stuck in a time warp of confusion and sadness. We adopted Spud not even 2 years prior and deserved so many more years with our little couch potato.
Despite the sadness, heaviness and pain, we were so thankful to know we had a little bit more time together. We wanted Spud to be able to have all the dogsperiences, so we created a doggy bucket list for our little guy. Because of his allergies and anxiety due to his background at a commercial breeder, we never strayed too far out of our comfort zone. But we knew we had to experience more before it was too late.
We enjoyed pup cups, ice cream, visits to the brewery, walks and so many snuggles.
Saying goodbye to Spud is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And the guilt of not being able to care for him longer is something I never expected. I couldn’t shake the thoughts that I failed as a dog mom because I couldn’t protect him. Those little thoughts still creep in when I think about him, but I try to redirect them and remember how much he’d grown and opened up since those initial days of fear when he would pee if you moved too fast or anytime he met someone new.
The Grief Hurts More Than You Imagine
I didn’t grow up with pets, so I had no idea the impact they leave on you and the hole they leave in your heart when they’re gone. Right after we said goodbye, there were a lot of hard days - in fact, all the days were hard, it was just a question of how surface level the pain was on any given day.
You never realize what silly things will bring back the pain - like vacuuming up their fur and feeling like you’re losing a final piece of them.
And you don’t realize the extent to which the tough things will hurt - like when you have to cancel your auto-renew food, or when you receive a birthday card for your pet, with a reminder to refill their medicine to keep them healthy and safe.
It hurts. More than you could ever prepare for.
The Mixed Feelings of Getting a New Pet
After we lost Spuddly boy, Ben and I were both very adamant that we didn’t want to get another dog too soon. We thought maybe after the new year we’d get another adult dog. But honestly, we didn’t even want to think about that yet because you don’t want your best friend to think they’re replaceable. And Spud was certainly not.
That’s what made it so hard when we saw little Beans up for adoption. When we saw his profile picture we were ready to swipe right - we both felt like he could be Spud’s little brother. Not only were they the same breed, they had very similar coloring, and we always joked that Spud’s favorite food was “pork & beans”. So obviously his name was no coincidence!!
So we hesitantly applied as we sorted out a wave of feelings: Sadness. Skepticism. Guilt. Excitement. Mad for feeling excited. Scared. Nervous. Completely uncertain.
Once we unpacked all the emotions, the strongest of them all was the gut reaction Ben and I both felt. It was shouting at us: You need to do this. You will regret it if you don’t apply and at least see what happens.
So we applied. And we waited to see what would happen. And we met Beans. And we adopted him two days later.
I know that seems like a very simplified explanation, but it was truly a whirlwind. One week before we weren’t gearing up to be puppy parents. And then we were full on puppy parents with almost no time to react.
Honestly, I am thankful for the whirlwind of a process, because I didn’t have time to overthink and talk myself out of something that was right (which I am very good at, by they way!). I am fairly confident I would have talked myself out of it, because even within the first few days of getting Beans, I just kept having this stressy internal debate with myself that went something like:
Anxious Inner Me: Can we really do this?
Logical Inner Me: It’s literally already happening. You’re already doing this.
Anxious Inner Me: Are we ready for this?
Logical Inner Me: Ready or not, it’s literally already happening.
Anxious Inner Me: Did I make a big mistake?
Logical Inner Me: We don’t have time for big mistakes. This is literally already happening. It’s good, you like it.
This internal debate went on for a few days, and in the meantime, it felt like a stranger had invaded my home. It’s a weird feeling to know you’re raising a living thing but you don’t have that bond yet. If we had been thinking about this longer, I don’t think we would have had this weird “stranger” feeling, but since it all happened really quickly, our minds and our feelings were lagging behind reality.
After about a week, though, we started to form a bond and I accepted that he wasn’t just a little alien controlling me from his spaceship crate. And despite the fact that Beans came along much quicker than anticipated, I stopped judging myself for opening our home up to a new companion and I found peace and comfort in knowing that there’s enough love in my heart to hold the memories of Spud near and welcome another pup into our home.
The Joy and Exhaustion That is Having a Puppy
So now we’re in the thick of the puppy phase. And if you’re wondering what would encourage me to stay awake through Benadryl hallucinations to write this blog...it’s Beans. Since I spent all day at work earning money for his food and toys, obviously he now requires my undivided attention and endless supply of shoes and furniture to chew on. So here we are.
There’s only one way to describe having a new puppy: it’s like being 7 and going to a sleepover. I am serious, it’s the perfect analogy!
You’re really excited leading up to it. You’re giddy with anticipation of all the fun, activities and food! Then, the sleepover is happening and you’re having a great time! It starts to get late. You’re still having a good time, but you’re getting kind of tired and thinking about winding down. You’re finally going to go to bed, but think again! One wild child wants to keep everyone awake, so you stay sort of half awake and play MASH with one eye open. When it’s FINALLY time to hit the hay, one kid gets kind of nervous, starts missing their parents and accidentally wets themselves. It’s a whole commotion, it wakes up everyone and you’re embarrassed that you even know this bed wetter.
Luckily, you finally fall asleep with pizza and chips and toys strewn everywhere. Because you’re sleeping in less than ideal conditions and surrounded by high-energy children, you wake up ungodly early. You’re excited to eat cinnamon rolls, but in the back of your mind you’re also like, why tf am I awake? After a quick cinnamon roll, you go home. You’re tired and grumpy for the rest of the day. But despite this, you keep on loving sleepovers and you keep on going to them even though it’s unclear if you would classify the time you had as “fun”.
Basically, it’s a lot like that, except worse because your puppy doesn’t make cinnamon rolls. Yet you still love them more and more every day. You still keep going to the sleepover.
Playing & Chewing and Jumping, Oh My!
That Beans’ motto. He also loves to say "let's play, Mom!" Beans is wild. I mean never run out of energy wild. Never lie down wild. He is always on the go and he loves to jump and he loves to nibble. But we love this little guy even though he chomps on our arms and chews on our shoes.
All I can really say is that it feels like raising a baby. I have been exhausted all the time since we got him. I’m not trying to belittle parenting, because I imagine it’s much harder in many more ways. But this little baby can fly through the air with razorblade teeth, so puppy parenting has it’s hard moments too.
Our most shameful moment so far came a few weeks ago, when we were still figuring each other out. What we know now but didn’t know then is that Beans is a notorious double pooper - he likes to poop twice after a meal. Usually, once at the beginning of the walk and once at the end.
On that fateful day I lived every dog parent’s nightmare. We were on our walk, took a poop and used the last bag. And while you might think I disposed of it right away, I even had the thought to carry it around for a while just in case another poo occurred. I caried it with me for about ¾ of the walk, but on the way out of the park I figured we were in the homestretch and all clear.
But boy, was I wrong. Moments after leaving the park and crossing the street into the neighborhood, Beans decides to poo. But not just anywhere, right in the sidewalk. I’m sure he was trying to tell me and I didn’t listen...but he had to go so he went. Right there, in the sidewalk, in front of a home, while people were driving by, Beans took a poo.
So I did what any dog parent would do. I panicked, then I found some dead leaves and moved the poo from the sidewalk into the grass, all while slowly looking around to see if anyone was watching me. Then Beans and I jogged home, I put him in his crate, I jogged back, I picked up the poo and attempted to wipe off the sidewalk (which was a terrible idea because it only smeared the poo). I am not sure whether I went back because I am a good person, or because I was afraid of being caught, but that’s neither here nor there, we’ll just say it’s because I’m good.
Despite the fact that I had showered pre-walk, this sidewalk poop, leaf pick-up situation caused me to be so sweaty that I required a second shower before work.
So that's where we're at. Rex is finally learning to tolerate his new brother. Beans is sort of learning that just because Rex is large and rotund while sitting, he is not a pillow. And I am proudly wearing my title of Dog Mom, which I oh-so-deserve after the leaf situation.
In the Meantime
We'll continue on with all the puppy fun! I can't say everyday gets less crazy. In fact, most days it gets more crazy and Ben and I spend a few minutes hiding to try and find some peace. But I wouldn't change it and I'm so looking forward to getting to love Beans for a lifetime. Anyway, got to go keep the little rascal from chewing on his brother.
Cheers,
Lisa
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