Hi friends!
It’s been a long time.
I’ve been told many times throughout my life that I am very “me”. That I just have my personality and I am who I am.
Fingers crossed this is a good thing. But I am not so sure. Because when I think of being very “me”, I think of things like panic parking too far away from where I’m going, get sweaty every time I drink a hot beverage and becoming too easily stressed out at Chipotle.
In honor of me being just so me, today’s blog it devoted to things that are “on-brand” for Lisa, with the hopes that I am not the only one to have these unusual behaviors. So let’s jump in.
"On Brand" Lisa Things
Panic Parking Too Far Away
THIS IS MY STRENGTH. I could be a normal person and park a normal distance. But instead, I park an ungodly far distance away…but ONLY after driving around the same area seven times trying to build up the courage to park in that tight spot near the place I’m going, then to abandon ship at the last minute and show up to my plans 15 mins late…because I parked 15 mins away. It’s a good time for all.
Menu Indecision at Every Restaurant
You know what’s not good for me? A menu with several pages of options. I can’t make up my mind between two options. How can I make up my mind between 45 options? Not to mention, I’m an extremely slow reader so I just can’t commit to reading through the whole menu.
If I want to be prepared, I’ll review the menu in advance and still panic pick immediately as the waiter or waitress asks what I want.
If I want to live on the edge in a whirlwind of panic and anxiety, then I don’t look at the menu before I show up and I just word vomit something that is loosely related to the name of a dish.
And General Panicking at “Build Your Own” Restaurants
I cannot be the only one who gets stressed out at Chipotle…right? I feel like it is UNDENIABLY stressful. How is anyone not overwhelmed having to shout every ingredient of your order across the counter while another order is slowly creeping up behind yours? Thank goodness online ordering exists. But a few weekends ago we tried to order Chipotle online and it was like…no thank you. And Ben (completely outrageously) suggested we go to the restaurant to order. I was like…are you kidding me?! He was not kidding me. So we went and we ordered and we made it out alive, but I did not enjoy it. Here is a TOO LONG video of my telling my tale.
Being Sticky All the Time
Am I child? No, I’m a 28 year old adult human who somehow manages to always be sticky. I DO NOT KNOW what I am doing wrong. Why don’t other adult humans get sticky when they eat a popsicle or an ice cream cone or a lollipop? Why don’t other adult humans get sticky eating fruit? Why don’t other adult humans get sticky simply existing?
Being Sweaty A Lot…
I can’t help being sweaty. The sweats strike at the most unpredictable times and it is what it is.
Times I am most often to be sweaty include:
After I have showered
When I’m drinking hot coffee (especially right after I showered)
During meetings
When I’m talking to other people
Etc.
It’s quite common so I might as well let you know when it’s happening. Which leads me to.
…And Announcing It
As a very anxious human, the best way to avoid the embarrassment of someone outing you for something is simply to announce everything before someone else has the time to sniff it out (literally).
For this reason, you will often hear me say things like:
I am very sweaty right now
I just spilled all over myself
I just ripped my pants (this has yet to happen KNOCK ON WOOD)
I fell doing _____
I want to get ahead of this… (followed by literally anything awkward I’ve ever done)
A few weeks ago I wore my shirt inside out to work. Luckily, someone pointed it out to me early on, but because I am lazy I didn’t go change it immediately. Instead, everywhere I went I announced, “FYI - my shirt is inside out. I know and I will change it eventually.”
Having a Reaction Which Is In No Way Appropriate to the Situation
I couldn’t tell you why I do this, but I tend to make a panic sound before the incident occurs. If Beans is about to pounce on me, I will scream first. If I knock my coffee over or simply move my hands too rapidly in such a way that it could cause a spill, I scream too soon.
If you heard my sounds all day long, you would wonder how I am alive at the end of the day. It is because I am screaming unwarrantedly far too often. My apologies.
Taking Photos Where Something Is Always Sticking Out of My Head
Is it even a photo of me if something from the background is not perfectly sticking out of my head? It is not. Please enjoy a collection of just a few of these photos.
Being Too Honest When I Receive a Gift I Don’t Like
My face can’t lie and honestly, my words don’t do a great job either. Do I wish I could nod and smile and pretend to like a gift I don’t like? Absolutely. Can I do it? Hardly ever. Just ask Ben about the times I’ve told him “no”. In my defense, he once bought me a child’s necklace with a rainbow bear on it, so I’m gonna say he was in the wrong on that one.
Talking With My Hands Too Much
I am already great at being sweaty and knocking things over, so I’m not sure why I feel the need to add in another layer of stress with hand-talking. But my hands are basically half of my personality. Sometimes, I try to control my arms, but they have a mind of their own and I am not in charge. Sometimes I have out of body experiences where I watch my arms moving and I wonder why they are still going. Here they are, just waving across the screen at their own accord:
Falling
Falling might be one of my greatest talents. Just ask me about one of my infamous falls. We could be here all day! There was the time I fell in front of a group of 100+ strangers. There was the time I fell taking my pants off in the middle of the night. There was the time I fell down the stairs because I was too enthused about a Buffalo Wild Wings deal. You’d think I would have learned by now, but that’s just not very “me”.
Over Committing to Fun
I love fun! But as I asked Ben last night, is it still fun if I plan so much fun that it stresses me out and then isn’t fun? The verdict? IDK, he told me to just not let the fun not be fun. It was a very productive conversation.
But in all seriousness, I love to overcommit, especially to things that sound pleasant! I hate saying no. Because I don’t want to, because I’m afraid I’ll never be invited again, because I don’t want to disappoint someone. So instead I say yes to everything and now my weekends are busy until September.
Don’t worry though, it’ll be fun.
Self Deprecating Jokes
Could you tell?
That Can’t Be It, Right?
I feel like I missed some important “on-brand” things in this list, but that’s all I’ve got right now. However, there are some things that I wish were on brand for me, but aren’t because they’re too trendy and cool:
Enjoying avocados
Biking
Not being anxious about things I said seven years ago
Being generally friendly to strangers
Reading books
Etc.
Until Next Time…
Thanks for tuning in. If you also share these habits with me, plz let me know. If you do not, plz let me know of some embarrassing habits you have so we can commiserate. If you are cool and don’t do anything awkward, goodbye.
Cheers,
Lisa
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