Hello world!
You haven’t heard from me in a while! Despite all those other times where I just fell off the face of the Earth because I got distracted eating chips and watching Netflix for two weeks, this time was intentional.
This time, I wasn’t MIA; I was stepping back. Because a lot has been going on in the world. A lot of things more important than my silly ramblings.
There are a lot of crucial conversations occurring about racism in our country, about alternatives to traditional policing, there are many voices that need to be amplified and there are movements across the country that are making change.
Friends, especially my white friends, I hope you’ve listened and learned, and I hope you have engaged. More importantly, I hope you continue to do all of the above, just as I will.
We’re Entering a New Coron-era: Post-Quarantine
I don’t know about you, but this Quarantine person is still largely in Quarantine. I just don’t trust all you grimy people yet and I want to keep my distance. I’m nervous breathing the same outside air as a stranger who’s six feet away from me. I can tell you that going into an enclosed space with a bunch of strangers would not go well. I’ll just stick to the safety of my own Quarantine for now.
To all those people who are back into the world, you’re braver than I. And you know what they said:
The brave post-Quarantinians must allow the skeptical to live vicariously through them.
So please remind me what the world is like and tell me all the stories about your weird grocery encounter. I haven’t had a weird grocery encounter in months, and as the person who typically starts fruit avalanches in Hy-Vee, that’s a REALLY LONG time.
Post-Quarantine or Post-Apocalyptic?
Honestly, I feel like post-apocalyptic and post-quarantine have a lot of similarities.
I haven’t been out in the world much, so I’m totally unqualified to be making this claim, but it’s kind of zombie-like out there. Places are empty and people are keeping to themselves, shooting dagger eyes at every passing stranger, unsure if they’ve been infected by a zombie, I mean corona.
We’re all forming little tribes of pals we’re comfortable being around. When our tribe people bring new people into the tribe we’re a little nervous. Has that person been staying at home? Do they wear a mask in public? Do they lick fixtures in public bathrooms? But, you can’t ask them that, so you just sit alone in your anxiety and wonder.
It’s hot AF and I’ve always assumed a post-apocalyptic world would also be quite warm.
We’re all just trying to mind our own business and stay alive.
I don’t really watch Zombie shows or post-Apocalyptic movies, so again, I have no basis for the things I’m saying. But I assume in some of those shows/movies people find a way to go about their lives despite the threats. So maybe one day (far far away) we too will learn those things.
But coming from the least cleanly person you’ve ever met, I have many concerns (AKA my clean friends probs have TONS of concerns) so I think this will be a really, really drawn out movie or perhaps a long show with several seasons (like Law & Order long).
That aside, now is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The part where I tell you about things I’ve observed. I’ve been watching all you post-Quarantinian folk closely and I present to you…
Post-Quarantinians: Where Are They Now?
First, let’s set the record straight. There is a wide spectrum of post-Quarantine people. It ranges from Post-Quarantine Lite to Full-Fledged Post-Quarantine. My observations do not apply equally to all types of Post-Quarantine people, and this is my blog so I don’t have to be objective!
I would say I even fall on the spectrum, around the low end of the Post-Quarantine Lite folk. Ya know, I’ve been out a few times, I’ve selected my people carefully, I’m still afraid of enclosed public spaces, the usual.
Anyway, sidebar over, let’s get to the observations.
People Don’t “Hang Out” Anymore
Have you noticed how cautious people are to say “hang out” these days. Like if they say they’re hanging out with someone you’ll automatically judge them so they just use the most vague phrases possible.
Like, “Oh, you know, I’m just going to be looking at my friends from ten feet away while we drink together but apart and shout about our lives and eat snacks, but our own snacks.”
Okay that ^ is probably an exaggeration, but now people do actually say, “I’m going to ‘social distance’ with a few friends.” Or, “I’m having a social distancing happy hour.” This kills me. EVERY. TIME. I don’t know why but I just can’t get enough of people using an entirely new phrase which just means hang out but further apart.
LOL. All I can think about is how many late-middle school, early-high school students wish that whatever stupid phrase they were trying to get to catch on had as much traction as “social distancing”. Back in my day, I had two phrases I tried to make happen:
Fit → meaning cool, awesome, bomb.com
That’s so college → you get it, it’s self explanatory
Needless to say, neither of them caught on, and had I picked “social distancing” instead, I would have absolutely taken credit for the popularity of the phrase ten years later.
People Don’t Remember the Six-Feet Rule
It’s just one of those things. You get in a group of your friends and coworkers and you automatically go back to your old ways: standing really close together. And if you’re the person who actually keeps their distance, you’re, like, really far away from everyone else. So you get closer, and then someone else gets closer, and then everyone else gets closer.
And then you wonder, “Why did I even say we were going to be ‘social distancing’ together? This is just traditional hanging out.”
People Have Conversations About the Weirdest Things
Pre-Quarantine, could you ever imagine asking someone: “You went to the mall?! What was that like?” But now, these are the hot questions we all want the answers to!!
It’s not like we forgot how things work, it’s just that maybe the things forgot how they worked? Malls are remembering how to be malls and we’re just along for the ride? I’m not sure, but I anticipate many more of these questions.
Some of my strange questions include:
How will buffets work? Will buffets still be a thing?
How will HuHot work?
How will salad bars work? Will salad bars still be a thing?
How long will people wear masks in grocery stores? Will grocery shopping ever be the same? Will we all just keep doing online grocery orders forever?
Do you think people will keep washing their hands for 20 seconds (from my only public encounter, the answer is no)?
Will people ever share food again?
Will farmers markets ever be the same again?
Will grocery stores stop giving samples?
Will we keep hoarding food for a long time?
What will airplanes be like? Will they give drinks? Will they give snacks?
Will we ever play drinking games with shared cups again?
Will people go back to bars?
Will bars actually become less gross now?
Those are just a few of the strange questions I’ve surveyed people about, because, obviously, instead of going straight to the source it makes sense to widely speculate.
Also, let’s just chuckle at how all of my questions are food and alcohol related. At least I’m always on brand ;)
Chartering Unknown Territory
Despite the fact that we’re actually going back to “normal”, post-Quarantine is definitely not normal. And (as you can tell from my questions) I don’t know if or when it will be back to normal!
In these crazy times, though, I can promise you at least one consistency: I’ll be watching & you will most certainly hear about it.
Cheers,
QL
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